In every game, there are winners and losers. Life has lots of games: Chess, Football, Academia, Wealth, Relationships, etc. Each game has two different components: rules and framework. Rules simply explain how to win or lose, but the framework is what allows you to dominate the game. Most people aren’t stupid – they’re just missing the right framework. Maybe some people think that games shouldn’t have losers, but that turns a game into a statistic. For example, the sun shines on everyone equally – there are no winners or losers because no one has to earn a sunrise. The average person complains about the game or argues that the rules are rigged. How many times have you heard comments like: “The economy and inflation are a joke, I could work 80 hours a week and still be poor.” “All girls are the same, all they want is my attention and money.” “You have to cheat to even hope to get straight A’s.”
Instead of complaining, take the time to study the game. Is the economy really the problem, or do you just need better skills to earn more? Are girls really the problem, or is it your struggle to build meaningful connections? Do you need to cheat to succeed in school, or do you simply lack the right learning strategy to grasp the material?
Okay, okay – maybe that was a bit harsh. One of the biggest problems in society is self-delusion. The person we lie to the most is ourselves. Half the challenge is being honest and admitting we don’t understand the game. That breakthrough allows you to shift your focus toward gaining real competence. Here are the best methods for learning a framework: Play the game and track your progress, Study the rules of the game, Study the habits of people who win the game, Surround yourself with other people trying to win the same game.
The Life Framework is how I think ordinary people can dramatically change their lives to become exceptional. Here is a quick summary of the Life Framework: Act As If, Pledges, Story & Skills.
Act As If
I stumbled upon this idea by accident while I was a student at university. It was 2 AM and I had a major group presentation due at 10 AM and I was absolutely terrified. I had rehearsed my part of the project several times – but my mouth still felt like cotton. I was confident I was gonna screw up the entire project and be destined to live the remainder of my days as some homeless guy fishing for trash. It’s funny how anxiety can make you think: “Everyone in my group is going to hate me after this presentation.” “I’m not a good public speaker” and yada and yada. But I suddenly had this idea: What if the world’s most charismatic public speaker delivered my speech? How would they structure their sentences, control their tone, and command the stage with confidence? What started off as a silly thought became a core memory for me. I absolutely crushed that group project because I acted as if I was the best public speaker in the world.
Before you obliterate me in the comments section, I’m not saying to develop some bizarre multiple personality disorder. All I’m saying is to act as if you are the person you want to become. It gives yourself permission to be confident in the present, which will always be the moment of greatest power.
Pledges
Confidence comes from keeping the promises you make to yourself. No matter where you go, you can’t outrun yourself. You can move to Paris, dye your hair blue, or get a dog named Toby – but in the end, you’re still you. Pledges are my secret sauce for keeping promises.
Pledges are when I penalize myself for not keeping my promises. For example, “I will study 4 hours today or donate $20 to charity.” Pledges take away all the feelings, intentions and words behind a goal. Instead it boils everything down to pure action. Show me your financial commitment to a goal, and I’ll show you how serious you really are about achieving it. I mean – think about it for a second. Marriage is a commitment that carries the risk of losing half your assets in a divorce. You pay monthly for a gym membership. You pay for college because you believe the degree will open doors. You invest in a business because you expect it to grow and generate returns. People don’t throw money at things they don’t truly value. If you’re not willing to invest financially, are you really committed – or just interested?
Look, I get it, pledges have the same appeal as a root canal. But try it for 7 days and see how your life changes. Pledges guarantee you always keep your promise, either you complete the task or pay up the money. Pledges will fundamentally change how you view and prioritize your goals. Instead of always being reactive, you become proactive. Jake wants to hangout tonight and grab drinks? Mark (your roommate) wants to passionately talk about Star Wars and how Disney ruined it? Pledges give you a new question to consider in these scenarios: “Is this activity worth me losing $20?” Pledges turn your to-do list into a non-negotiable mission – every task becomes a “must-do” rather than a “should-do.”
Story & Skills
What’s your story? Are you the main character or are you Bouncer #9 that gets 20 seconds of screen time? Real talk – you’re going to die one day. Umm hopefully your parents gave you that talk (yeah your grandma didn’t just fall asleep). At your funeral, people are gonna be more focused on the mashed potatoes than your life. Remember Betty White? I bet she hasn’t crossed your mind in the last six months. She was arguably one of the most successful women, achieving everything people strive for. Yet, you forgot about her – and so did I. Let me hold your hand while I say this… people will forget about you too. Why hold yourself back for people who won’t even think about you later? Live your own story – not the one written by your parents, spouse, children or best friend.
You can re-write the chapters in your story the second you become intentional. It doesn’t matter if your current story is a tragedy, comedy, chick flick, horror, action, mystery or silent movie. You can change genres, characters, plot lines, settings, timelines – everything. Here’s my best strategy for becoming intentional about your story: Document It.
Think back to August 5th, 2023 – what were you doing? If you can’t remember, that’s exactly why keeping a journal matters. Intentionally and deliberately recording your story daily helps you in two main ways: Prioritizing an Epic Story and Recognizing Patterns. Whenever I’m able to make a decision, I think: “What would make the most epic story?” The coolest stories aren’t when you played it safe, it’s when you freaking defeated an eight headed dragon one-handed. Rejection, pain and suffering are the seasoning to make your stories spicy and interesting – EMBRACE IT! Plus, certain patterns only become clear through consistent documentation of your life. For example, you might look back at journal entries from two years ago and think, “Dagum, that problem hasn’t gone away yet. I gotta fix that.”
I also created a spreadsheet listing every skill I could think of: public speaking, networking, calculus, parking, kissing (jk), cooking, setting boundaries, investing – literally everything (bwahaha I probably have 50 more skills listed). This spreadsheet changed my entire perspective on failure, rejection, and pain. It made me see every person, activity, and circumstance as an opportunity to sharpen my skills. Umm cue the compilation montage (drumroll please):
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- I get rejected by my best friend’s hot sister? No problem, my “Resilience” skill just racked up some serious experience points.
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- I absolutely choke on stage in front of 200 people? We love that – “Public Speaking” just got a painful but necessary XP boost.
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- I ditched a party to suffer through derivatives all night? Sweet – “Work Ethic” +5.
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- And you get the point. “In all labour there is profit” (Proverbs 14:23).
In my opinion, most people get good at a few skills and then stop trying. Comfort zones are merely what your past skills have already accomplished. Remember when you were first learning to drive a car? It was probably terrifying and took lots of practice to get comfortable on the road. During that time, your skill level for driving was minimal – but increased gradually. Before long, driving became second nature and you were texting your toxic boyfriend Dan while eating a cheeseburger behind the wheel (Dan had a cool mullet though). But let’s not kid ourselves, there’s a limit to how good you really are behind the wheel. If someone asked you to parallel park in New York City with cars honking at you, how well would you do? Or how about steering a semi-truck through a blizzard with zero visibility, ice-covered roads, and a full load of cargo? There is always room for skills to grow – even driving!
As humans, we’re always trying to “arrive” – work just hard enough so we can stop working. But what is the purpose of life? Is it to get a lot of money and then hide out in the Bahamas? Probably not. Here’s my current definition for the purpose of life: To follow God and become all we can be. How high does a tree grow? As tall as it can. What if instead of trying to arrive, we tried to constantly improve our skills and abilities? Fair warning, this process isn’t easy. It means constantly pushing past old limits and embracing discomfort. Embracing discomfort doesn’t make life easier – it just makes you stronger and more skilled at overcoming challenges.
My Call to Action: (Hold on, lemme tap into my inner Matthew McConaughey) Alright, alright, alright… Time to saddle up. Give me seven days. Not “I’ll start Monday,” not “I’ll ease into it” – seven full days of goin’ all in on the Life Framework. Best case? You level up. Worst case? You get the balls kicked outta you by life, but hey – at least now you know they still work. Either way, you win:)